This was probably my biggest hesitation to get pregnant again after Leo. Would I have it again? (I do not but I had no idea!)
I seriously didn't even know this was a THING until I had Leo. Even experiencing it, I still didn't know it was a thing until someone else mentioned they had it, talked about what it felt like, and I was like wait are they talking about me or themselves?
It's freaking scary. It's scarier because no one tells you about it. I knew to look out for PPD (which HUGS ON HUGS ON HUGS for anyone experiencing or who has experienced this!) and I knew I didn't have depression but I had severe anxiety.
I'll never forget the moment Scott knew something was wrong too. I LOST MY MIND because he left his shoes out in the hallway. I know what you're thinking.. Rachel, you're 100% in the right to lose your mind! Shoes DO NOT belong in the hallway! ;) But he'd done this everyday for as long as I can remember. So it was nothing new.
It was like an out of body experience. The worst part is I KNEW I was being irrational and ridiculous as I was screaming and crying. My heart felt like it was going to explode. But I couldn't stop. Repeat for probably the first 9 months of Leo's life.
I started to look for my signs and let Scott know it was coming so he could give me a break. And then I started (finally) putting in place practices to prevent said anxiety so that I could live my life!!
Here's what worked for ME::
-practicing mindfulness :: I used the app CALM, but any sort of mindfulness app will do! I did it at night to end my day with less restless thinking & get calm sleep.
-lean into other moms :: find a support group whether that's through fitness, due date mommies, church group, etc.
-ASK FOR HELP :: this does not make you a lesser mom. There is no prize for doing it all.
-do YOU :: like for real you have to do some things for YOU. workout, take a nap, get your nails done, get a massage, whatever makes YOU feel good.
If you are experiencing anything like this, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE & YOU ARE STILL A GOOD MOM! There is so much power + comfort in talking about it and know that it is just a season. I PROMISE it gets better. No shame in talking to your doctor either mama! <3