3 tips to dealing with MOM GUILT
Mom guilt is the FREAKING WORST. If I had to define mom guilt I would say it's like - an unreasonable feeling making you feel like a bad mom when you shouldn't. And it's not a one size fits all. So coping mechanisms won't be a one size fits all either, but I've come a LONG WAY since I had my son 3.5 years ago.
I knew I was coping with it when a few months ago, I was supposed to be gone for the day with my cousins and as I was leaving, Leo started crying. Scott told me to go and have a good time, not to worry about it and guess what... I did.
But it has been a JOURNEY to get here. Like rewind to when I had Leo, and I couldn't even go to the GROCERY STORE (which I hate) to pick up THINGS TO LIVE, without feeling crippling mom guilt. Let alone get my nails done or a hair cut. They became things I didn't even enjoy because I was just RIDDEN with mom guilt.
Here are a few things I do to cope with mom guilt!
#1 - I ask myself, is this something my husband would feel guilty about. I know some dads feel dad guilt, but not mine lol. Scott was unknowingly making me feel guilty about things yano? Example - he had taken his nephews to a movie on a SATURDAY, like my only break of a day and did some other things with them so he was gone all day. And I didn't contact him one time. When I would go to the store, or heaven forbid, get my hair done or something, I would get so many texts like "where's his PJs" or "how many oz should I give him" and those things made me feel BAD.
Should I have felt bad that my CHILD was under the care of his FATHER? Absolutely not. So I started thinking to myself - is this something Scott would feel guilty about? And like HE'S A GOOD DAD so if the answer was no - why should I?
I had to have a SERIOUS conversation about this with him. More than once (shocking I know). Telling him like hey when you text me all this crap you could figure out (or should know lol) it makes me feel bad. And he was all like "why? I just knew you'd know" so I had to again communicate that to him. He gets it now. I hardly ever get a text or phone call when I'm out now.
#2 - Sometimes I would start with this one, but then it wouldn't work so I'd ask myself what Scott would do. And that is, ask myself "is what I'm doing WRONG." NOT "does what I'm doing make me a bad mom". Like ask yourself, is this IMMORAL, is it ILLEGAL, is it ETHICALLY WRONG. Insert - getting your hair done or having a girls night out. UH NO IT IS NOT.
#3 - Have someone you can turn to, to tell all the things that make you feel guilty or like a "bad mom" (hi which you aren't), that can tell you THEY GET IT, but you are in fact doing a great job and GO GET YOUR HAIR DONE SIS. I encourage you to find someone outside of your spouse to do this because TBH, it's just not the same (most of the time). Scott will never know what it's like to be home all day hearing MOM on repeat, or doing the chores while still getting my work done. And while that's not his fault, it doesn't make him a prime candidate to GET ME.
Again, remember this didn't just magically get better. It was a journey. But just remember,
YOU GOT THIS MAMA. YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.